The only way for the ENT to tell this is to use a tiny camera to go up into Phoebe's nose and down into her throat. Phoebe sat on my lap while I gave her a big bear hug and a nurse had to hold her head completely still while the doctor did this. I tried to calm her screams and reassure her that it was going to be over soon and that I loved her. When the doctor was done Phoebe looked at me with tear stained cheeks and asked me if she was a brave big girl. I told her she absolutely was because I know how uncomfortable and painful that was because I had it done when I scheduled my tonsil surgery.
The doctor said there are no bumps or lumps that she could see that would be obstructing her swallowing BUT what she did see is that Phoebe shows laryngopharyngeal reflux, or silent reflux. She suggested we try a prevacid solutab and come back in 6 weeks to see how Phoebe is doing.
She also wants Phoebe to go to her GI doctor so she can have her esophagus checked. Since the upper airway is clear of obstructions and with the sound Phoebe makes when she swallows the doctor is thinking Phoebe could possibly have a narrow esophagus or some other issue. (issue isn't even the right word I'm looking for, I just don't even know if there is a better term than issue at this point)
I've tried really hard to not dwell on asking the questions like "why Phoebe?", "why our family?", and "what did we/she do to deserve this?".
I've tried to keep fighting, pushing forward, not giving up or letting the curve balls stop us.
But today, in this moment, I do feel defeated.